Medicine and Humor

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Unfortunately, your plan covers only doctors who couldn’t possibly help you in any way.




I used to live each day
as if it were my last.
But people got tired
Of me screaming,
“I’m Going to Die!!
I’m Going to Die!!”


"The Knack"
A joke about engineers...






Note: H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, and H2O is water.



"Second Opinion"

A doctor decided to tell the truth to a man who was not long for this world. 'If you want to know the facts, I don’t think you have much time left. You are a very sick man. Now, is there anyone you would like to see?’

Bending down toward his patient, the doctor heard him feebly answer, 'Yes.’

'Who is it?’ the doctor asked.

In a slightly stronger tone, the dying man said, 'Another doctor.’


"You may want to be clear with your requests when communicating to others, otherwise confusion may result..."

Cartoon depicts a man who was falling into a lake. As he struggles to swim, he shouts to his dog on shore, “Lassie get help”. In the next frame, the dog is lying on a psychiatrist’s couch!


"Diseases"

Did you know that at times normal human processes are labeled as a disease? Here are some examples:

"Post election selection trauma" – Symptoms include agitation, endless sulking, and bitterness
"Peladophobia" - Fear of bald people
"Novercaphobia" - Fear of one’s stepmother

And, last year, they invented arachibutyrophobia which is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.


"Food"

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.


From The Blessed Life by Swami Ramakrishnananda Puri

Human nature is such that we always think we are in the right. We have so many preconceptions and false notions about ourselves and others and about what is best in life for us and for others. Even if they prove to be completely wrong, we feel very reluctant to let go of these preconceptions.

This reminds me of a story I once heard about a man who ran into an old friend while walking down the street. He spied the person in front of him, and though he almost didn’t recognize him, he was certain it was his old friend. Rushing up to meet him, he slapped him on the back, shouting, 'Hey, Joe! How have you been, old pal? I haven’t seen you in eons. I mean, I almost didn’t even recognize you. You’ve gained about 30 pounds. You look like you have grown about 2 feet as well. And, I can see you’ve done some plastic surgery on your nose. You’ve even died your hair! I can’t believe my eyes!’

The totally bewildered stranger replied, 'I beg your pardon, but my name is not Joe.’

Aghast, the first man replied, 'My God! You’ve even changed your name!’

Similarly, no matter how obvious the evidence that comes before us, we always manage to mentally manipulate it and force it to fit our preconceptions so that we don’t have to change our behavior or thought patterns.


If you drink alcohol or eat junk food, you must be determined to punish your liver! :)